“What's a coping skill dad”? I remember some version of this question asked by my kids a number of years ago; most likely in response to some psycho babble I was letting spill out at home. Over the years in the mental health world I have seen a concerning trend towards the passive version of coping skills which long term may have some substantial societal implications and negative impacts. The first thing to highlight here is what is the difference between active and passive coping skills?
Active Coping Skills
The primary component of active coping skills is that they engage the human body and brain in a more active way. The most common one in this category is exercise, however active coping skills such as art or building something (think Legoes without the instructions) activate neurological creativity. The first thing to embrace here is active does not just mean physically active. Other examples include any version of creativity such as seen with dance, drawing, playing make believe, learning an instrument or even a new language. The more structure added in (i.e. instructions for building), the less active it is. This does not mean it is not beneficial, just maybe not as much in a particular situation. We have different needs for different situations. Another example here is prayer or meditation. They both can be guided or more open ended and unstructured. I can recite the Our Father from my days in Catholic school very easily without much thought, and from a prayer point of view I typically use the more open form of prayer as an adult. That said, I have found myself a few times reverting back to this more structured version of prayer when I was in a particular state of distress.
Passive
Passive coping skills require less creative thought and process and generally less physical activity. Generally the content is given to you in some manner so they have a different impact neurologically and should be used differently. Examples of these are watching television or youtube, video games, books on tape etc. There is a common idea out there I hear from teenage clients that video games are active because you're solving problems but in truth if you talk to a developer of those games, the linear algorithms they use to walk a player down a preset path are very clear and relatively determined. The paths towards addiction are almost certain. The only game I know which may be more active is Minecraft. Again, passive coping skills are not necessarily bad but should simply be used in a different way. Typically short bursts of use with breaks in between to offset the more addictive nature of these coping skills is the best way. In addition, it is not recommended that one pair too often high states of anxiety or stress with the use of these type of coping skills due to the propensity for addiction.
The Scoop on Use
Generally active coping skills tend to be more effective at helping a person cope with stress overall, particularly the physically active ones. They do not seem to have many if any negative side effects unless taken to the extreme such as in an obsession. Passive coping skills are effective but generally more in the short term and are useful when active ones may not be possible. Just ask any parent traveling with little kids:). Passive coping skills should also be monitored and not affiliated with stress reduction too often, which strangely is the exact purpose of a coping skill in the first place. Additionally, introducing passive coping skills such as tablets or other electronic devices too early in a child's life (before elementary school at a minimum) is most certainly not recommended and should be limited to situations such as traveling as noted above.
Technology: The Evolution and Proliferation of Dangerous Passive Coping Skills
I have a sense that some of the original passive coping skills in modern times came about with the invention of television in the 1950’s. Now, the passive nature of this coping skill alone is much different and more dangerous in terms of dependency and addiction. Take for example that at this point in society, each person is a number or commodity to the tech industry. Whether you realize it or not, YOU are being analyzed and marketed to every time you search, scroll or tune in to tech. EVERY..SINGLE..TIME! That information is then used to target you to keep you tuned into the next episode, the next video and on top of that the videos on many streaming platforms are pre played unless you ACTIVELY stop it. Yes, I know. I'm using social media to post this. However I have been tuned out of that world for a few months now, and it truly feels awesome. I'll post this, check its reception a few times; then tune out for a longer period of time. This is generally what I would recommend for all passive coping skills. Sparing use, short term with awareness of the dangers…then tune out and get back to actually LIVING YOUR LIFE, not watching other people live theirs!